Fundraising Memo to Democrats

Memo
To: Everyone left of center
From: Blusher
Date: June 9, 2005
Re: Fundraising Advice

It has come to my attention that the Democrats are going though some rough times raising dough. As a Republican I have to admit that I am somewhat delighted. For some reason, though, I'm going to be nice enough to give a little advice on a few changes your party can make to up those numbers.

1. Muzzle Howard Dean. I am serious about this! His comments have gone past offensive to just plain comical. I'm halfway expecting him to go on Oprah next and pull a Tom Cruise. What big donor wants to give money to this wacko?

2. Get Dean and Joe Trippi to make up. The lack of success Dean's having with fundraising is making it increasingly obvious Trippi was the brains behind the online fundraising "revolution" that campaign spearheaded. If Dean can't keep his mouth shut, he'll turn off big donors and have to rely on small donors to fund the DNC. This actually might work for him. During the 2004 presidential campaign, he was very successful at bringing in small donations over the web. But the only way to get supporters to point and click is to give them a reason. This brings me to my next piece of advice.

3. Find something to stand for. Your party is not for anything. You're just against everything the Republicans are for. This is why you keep losing! GW won fair and square in '04, so no one can "stop" him anymore.

4. Stop losing. If I were one of your big donors and had given you money to fund the campaigns of this guy and this guy, I'd be pissed! Cause no matter how much I give, you fools keep picking the terrible candidates to run.

So take my advice here. Start winning and the skrill will follow.